Self-esteem is all about the things we tell ourselves about ourselves; it’s essentially our evaluation of ourselves. We might tell ourselves things like: “I think I did good job there”, “I make a lot of mistakes”, “I’m a good friend” or “nobody likes me.”
The way we think and feel about ourselves can take may twists and turns. Thinking positively will lead to positive feelings while thinking negatively will lead to not feeling as good.
For example, a baseball player might say, “It sure was fun playing with my friends at the game today. My hitting is coming along. I wonder if my Mom can help me with my swing?”
The negative twist might go something like this, “I know my friends don’t like having me on the team. Sally laughed at me when I struck out. I suck at hitting. I guess I’m not cut out to play baseball.”
If reflect on it for a moment, you can actually feel differently when you read each example. Imagine yourself making mostly critical messages about yourself all day everyday. That’s tough terrain to navigate…
The great thing about our thoughts is that we can choose what we want to think about and when we want to think it. Thinking positively about ourselves, our accomplishments, and even the learning opportunities inherent in mistakes, leads to us feeling a certain way about ourselves. Stay hopeful and positive, believe in yourself and anything is possible. “You’re never out of the fight.”
Here are some helpful tips on how to change your thinking to feel better about yourself and elevating your self-esteem:
Pay attention to your inner voice. Did you know that many people are not really aware of the negative or positive things they tell themselves about themselves. Thoughts just happen and they feel sad, happy, or confused.
I’ve found that these people tend to look outside of themselves for reasons they feel the way they do (blaming). Looking inside and taking responsibility for your thoughts and feelings is a much better way to go.
Take a moment and pay attention to the things you say to yourself about yourself. Remember, our minds don’t think in words. Words are symbols which conjures up images. These images lead to feelings. Positive thoughts about yourself will lead to feeling good while harsh criticisms and unkind thoughts often lead to feelings of sadness, anger, and frustration. How you feel is totally up to you!
“When you’re different, sometimes you don’t see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn’t.”
― Jodi Picoult, Change of Heart
Focus on the positives. There is a saying that if you own a red Camaro then your eyes will look for other red Camaro’s. If you’re used to evaluating yourself negatively, then you’ll tend to see the down side in all you experience. Pause and catch yourself in the act; take a minute and think about what went well, your accomplishments, and successes.
Better yet, write down at least 5 things you like about yourself, things you accomplished and learned everyday for the next week. By doing so, you will begin to train your brain to think more positively. Your life will really begin to open up and become exciting once the wheels of positive self-talk and self-affirmation begin to purposefully spin.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
― Gautama Buddha
Focus on the effort you put into something instead of the outcome. Some people set themselves up for disappointment by wanting something to happen a certain way along a certain timeframe. Deciding to try, moving forward despite obstacles, or a changing landscape, and believing in yourself will result in huge rewards; rewards that we may not have dreamed of when we first embarked. “Inch by inch, everything’s a cinch.” Thanks for reminding me of this one D~!
“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.”
― August Wilson
Mistakes are learning opportunities. People often never get started because they’re afraid of making mistakes, being embarrassed or ashamed. Mistakes are opportunities in disguise. The lesson is sometimes hard to see as strong emotions get in the way. Once calm, sit back, take a deep breath and think through what happened. Share your thoughts with a close and trusted friend or adult. What did you do or not do that resulted in the specific outcome? How do you want to adjust your thinking or strategy to insure that things go differently? Once you’ve decided, take action, rally your support network, and make it happen…
“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.”
― Iyanla Vanzant
Take yourself out for a spin. For one, engaging with others and trying out new activities is a surefire way change the way you feel. The psych term for this is, “behavior activation.” Call a friend, go for a walk, talk it up, and try something new.
My grandmother took history and art classes at the University of Washington until she was well into her 90’s. Never graduated from high school, never learned to drive but had a desire to learn about life outside of the little town of Concrete, Washington. She began to collect artwork from the Renaissance period and displayed these pieces in her home. My Dad used to refer to her as modern day Marie Antoinette. She was immensely proud of herself for taking the risk to attend college and learn about history, culture and art.
Positive thoughts lead to feelings of pride and confidence; pride and confidence lead to a desire to reach out further and try new activities thus expanding your scope and solidifying the belief that you CAN do whatever you set your mind to.
“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”
― Marilyn Monroe
Focus on what you can change and accept what you can’t. There are lots of things that we can control and many things that we can’t. You can change the way you think, change how you talk and interact with people, change activities, what you eat, how much you sleep, how many hours you spend playing video games (had to throw that one in there) and change your circle of friends. If you’re unhappy with something about yourself that you can change then tell yourself that you can, take action and tell everyone about what you want and how you plan to get there.
There are some things we can’t change like certain body features, medical conditions, and things that have happened in the past. We need to accept who we are and what events have brought us to where we are today. The path we’re on does not have to remain the same if we don’t want it to. Thinking that you can change your situation is a true tell sign that you have a positive self-image (self-esteem).
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
― Gautama Buddha
Establish and follow through with personal goals. Take a minute to think about what you’d like to accomplish in your personal life, with friends, family, important organizations like school, and how you would like to help out others in your community. Think about why you would like to accomplish these things (motivator) and then come up with a plan on how to thoughtfully go after what you want.
Before moving forward, run your goals and ideas across people you trust or who might have insight into how to achieve what you want. Collect information, adjust your plan if needed, and then move forward with gusto, making sure to keep your support system in the loop about how you’re progressing.
Tell yourself that you can do this, be kind to yourself, reflect back on why you want to accomplish what you want and praise yourself for every accomplishment however, small and insignificant it may seem. Believe in yourself and others will follow. In fact, they will sometimes make tremendous sacrifices to help you accomplish your goals and realize your dreams.
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
― Mark Twain
Remain true to your ideals. Share your thoughts and opinions confidently. Take pride in being a good listener; someone who understands, remains calm and thoughtful. Respect the opinions of others and communicate yours when the time is right. Within a disagreement, there is an opportunity to learn a new perspective. Embracing these debates will only strengthen your resolve. Remember, disagreements are not a reflection on your worth or your intelligence but an opportunity to learn and adjust. Be respectful of others and they will likely respect you in return. If they don’t know how to be respectful, it might be time to move on… “Some people need to learn how to be respectful.” –SF Soldier
“I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.”
― Frederick Douglass
Accept and embrace compliments. It’s easy to overlook the good things people say about us or their encouraging words of reassurance and hope. When our self-esteem is low and we’re depressed, it becomes difficult to accept kind things people say about us. We see only what we want to see even if it’s ugly, negative, and hurtful. Instead, embrace compliments, appreciate those who deliver them and return the favor by acknowledging something about that person that you appreciate and are grateful for.
“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.”
― Norman Vincent Peale
Help others…give back. Perhaps you could help a classmate who’s having trouble, clean your room without being told, or volunteer your time in some meaningful way. It strengthens your opinion of yourself when you can see first hand that you are making a difference in the life of someone else. Stay active, connected, and engaged in healthy activities and with people you trust and watch your self-esteem take off.
“How would your life be different if…You stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? Let today be the day…You stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
Stay active & engaged. Remaining active helps get the endorphins moving and sustain a natural feeling of well-being. It helps to relieve stress and tension and is clinically proven to relieve symptoms of anxiety and depression.
“That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending – performing. You get to love your pretence. It’s true, we’re locked in an image, an act – and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you’re trying to steal their most precious possession.”
― Jim Morrison
Make friends who maintain a positive outlook on life and themselves. Spend time with friends and adults who are positive, active, and have a positive and healthy outlook on life. Engage in activities you love and focus on your accomplishments. Believe in yourself and keep moving forward.
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”
― Harvey Fierstein
If you believe your child or teen has a low self-esteem or has symptoms of depression or anxiety please reach out for help, 360-236-0206. “We’re here to help.”
With Warmest Regards,
Dave Callies, Psy.D.
Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychologist
Gyro Psychology Services
www.GyroPsychology.com
360-236-0206
@GyroPsychology
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There was one day last week when I just felt kinda down all morning. By lunchtime my mood had changed. My body felt more invigorated and my thoughts were clear and bright. Looking back, I simply needed to step out of the office for a few minutes, breathe in the beautiful Spring air and look at things from a different perspective.

One of my teammates had a similar experience. She talked with me a couple of times about her dilemma, talked the situation over with members accounting team of her team, and after an hour or still felt frustrated. She then decided to go for a walk. She returned 20 minutes later, popped into my office and said that she had an epiphany. Within an hour she was able to cut through all of the confusion and generate a solution to a problem that, a short time earlier, was fraught with uncertainty and frustration.
Have you ever been in a situation that you just couldn’t figure out? Feeling down in the dumps, frustrated, and funky? Or, wrestling with a mood that you just can’t shake?
Rolling over, pulling the sheets over your head and withdrawing into the abyss of worry, sadness an even fear is the most common reaction to these feelings. There si another way. But first you need to realize that you are in control of what you think and the way you feel. If you don’t like the way you’re feeling then take steps to change them.
You are in control of your thoughts and feelings. Believe it! You can choose to feel sad and funky, wrap yourself up in that comfortable blanket and fade away for a couple of hours, days or weeks, try a bunch of unhealthy ways to change the way you feel…and there are a ton of them. Or, you can decide to take action, make a change, and head in a new direction that’s full of possibility, satisfaction, and hope!
It all starts with the belief in yourself and your abilities to accomplish great things. Telling yourself, “I can do this…I’m not going to let all of this uncertainty or self-criticism distract me…I’ll find a way through this” sets the mind ablaze searching for possibilities and creative solutions!
The longer you stay in the funk, the harder it is to see your way through to possibilities and solutions. If this sounds like you, then just do the opposite of what you are doing. If you want to sleep, get up and go for a walk; if you don’t feel like eating, go to the kitchen and make a healthy snack; if you feel like being alone in darkness, then connect with someone you trust and get outside and breathe in the warm spring air. Engage with others and keep moving forward.
If you don’t know how, then reach out and ask. Someone might say, “How can I help?” Be ready to engage should this happen…
Here are some helpful strategies to help you to push away that funky mood and get moving again:
First things first – What are you thinking and feelings? Take a moment to stop and think about why you are feeling the way you are. Once identified, please write your feelings and thoughts down. Reflecting on what’s happening on the inside and getting it out usually results in feeling an immediate sense of relief. More importantly, it can lead to breaking out of those pesky negative thought patterns that keeps us in a depressive holding pattern.
Once you have your thoughts and feelings down on paper, the next step is to say them silently to yourself, out loud in front of a mirror, or integrated into a song (you wouldn’t be the first to do this…).
Once you’ve practiced syaing it aloud, it’s time to talk with someone else about what you think and feel. Don’t let this linger…make the connection soon!
Accept that your thoughts and feelings are real. Our bodies always respond to feelings in some way. Realize that’s it’s perfectly natural to feel the way you feel. Greet those feelings, embrace them, take them out for a spin, serve them a cup of tea or coffee and then YOU choose if you want them to stay around or not. Your body and mind…you’re rules!
Keep moving forward. Your environment can have a profound influence on your mood. Perhaps it’s best to change your environment up a bit, rearrange your room, redecorate, walk around a different part of your neighborhood; make a new fashion statement by trying on a new outfit then go to the gym, go for a walk, shoot baskets, or take a ride on your favorite horse.
Surround yourself with positive, productive, and motivated people. Doing things all by yourself has its share of challenges. Doing things together with people who care about your success is where the magic lies. Surrounding yourself with people who inspire and support you to be your very best is a sure fire way to bust through bad moods and burst into the light of possibility.
Stay active. Getting your body moving is a definite mood changer. Exercise (e.g., dance, walk, bike, tumble) consistently and your mood will likely change for the better. Try exercises that help you focus on your physical posture like yoga or t’ai chi. Engage in a workout that gets your heart rate up, or a combination of gentle stretching and deep breathing.
Say positive things to yourself about how wonderful and capable you are. Telling yourself about all of your great qualities, how great you look, what a fantastic helper you are, that you’re a trustworthy friend, and other positive messages about who you are work wonders. Saying positive things to yourself about yourself make all the difference in the world. Give it a try…you will feel the effects of this strategy instantly.
I hope you found this article helpful. Check out our “Helpful Resources” to learn more about Depression, Anxiety and other problems commen in children and teens.
If your are thinking about harming yourself in any way please call the Youth Help Line at 360-586-2777. All calls are confidential.
For parents, a call to the Thurston and Mason County Crisis Clinic is helpful, 360-586-2700. Calling 911 or taking your child to the nearest emergency room are also options to insure your child is safe and secure.
If your child is having difficulty managing their moods, our specialty-trained Child & Adolescent Psychologists are here to help! Please give us a call, 360-236-0206.
With Warmest Regards,
Dave Callies, Psy.D.
Pediatric Psychologist
Gyro Psychology Services
360-236-0206
@GyroPsychology
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Published on: March 15, 2015
Helping Your Child or Teen Become an Effective Problem-Solver
Encouraging your child/teen to develop an effective process to solve personal and interpersonal problems is an important life skill that can be applied at home, in school, in social situations, and in community events, clubs and activities. Successfully identifying a problem, developing emotional control, considering solutions and consequences and then taking thoughtful steps towards solving problems helps to build self-confidence and resilience. Moreover, developing an effective problem solving process fosters independent learning and critical thinking skills.

Parents can help teach their child/teen how to effectively solve problems independently by utilizing some of these simple strategies:
Help your child/teen to manage strong feelings (emotional regulation) – Feelings of frustration, sadness, anxiety, and even excitement make identifying problems and generating solutions more challenging as their capacity to think clearly is diminished. Remaining calm is a central quality of all good problem solvers!
Our bodies respond to emotions in different ways. When angry, for example, some children become quiet and withdraw, while others raise their voices, move quickly and abruptly, and even become aggressive. Helping your child/teen identify how their body feels when they first start to feel emotions is a critical first step in helping them develop emotional regulation. Once recognized, they can take steps to calm down like thinking about something else, doing another activity (coloring, playing with Legos, word searches and even math problems). Engaging in other activities helps them focus their mind away from the frustrating circumstance and allows them to regain control and reset. Once calm, you can talk with your child/teen about what happened that led to their reaction and begin thinking through possible solutions and healthy action plans.
Identifying the problem – When you observe your child/teen having difficulty encourage them to recognize and describe the external (e.g., not understanding how to proceed with a project, friend is not available to meet) and internal factors (e.g., thinking about a loss, a friend rejecting them, not being chosen for an important role on an athletic team or theatrical event) that led to their reaction.
If talking about what happened is challenging, allow them to draw out the events and then describe them to you. This will allow your child/teen to understand the problem and what factors contributed to their reaction (e.g., not understanding what to do or where to start, feeling tired or hungry, or something not happening they way they expected).
Children and teens may not perceive the problem the same way adults do. Allowing them to describe their experience and the perceived problem in their own words will lead them to trust their observations, communication and analytical sills. Not only is this process part of the foundation of emotional development but rests at the heart of rational thinking.
Early in their development, children my not be able to verbalize the problem. They just know that things are not working out the way they expected and are unable to be flexible in their thinking and adjust to changing circumstances. In such cases, simply state the problem for the child. If you say things like, “So the problem is…” children will eventually understand that clearly identifying problems leads to generating solutions and increased feelings of confidence and independence.
Give your child/teen the opportunity to generate solutions on their own – While a parent’s solutions might be more effective or efficient, simply giving the child a solution to the problem would deprive them of the opportunity to learn and develop confidence in their ability to generate creative solutions.
Once your child/teen has generated some solutions on their own, ask them how what they do might impact them and others around them (consequences). Allow them to try to solve the problem on their own and encourage them to come back to you and let you know how things turned out. I often talk with the children and teens I work with about being “scientists” and observing what happens when they make these important changes. Clipboards and rating scales are often a part of this process.
Identify what is and what isn’t working – To help children and teens move from a trial and error approach to a more systematic approach to problem-solving, encourage them to think about the results of their solutions. Parents can ask open-ended questions (e,g., Did it turn out the way you expected?; I wonder what would happen if…) and make comments (e.g., You seem happier now that you had a chance to talk with them) to help them consider alternatives.
Talking with your child or teen about what they did to solve the problem helps them to establish and cause-and- effect connection in their mind. This will lead to them successfully solving problems on their own which will, in turn, build their self-confidence.
Once this mental association is in place and they’ve experienced being an effective problem solver, they stand a better chance of using this same approach when faced with conflicts and problems in the future. Be sure to praise them when they are able to use this process independently. You acknowledging them will go along way towards solidifying these skills and remind them of your kind presence and support.
I hope you found these tips helpful. Please visit the Resources section of our website for more information on Depression, Anxiety and Disruptive Behaviors as well tips on Parenting Teens and our article on Coping With Anger Outbursts.
Please contact one of our specialty-trained Psychologists should your child or teen need help with emotional control or developing effective and healthy strategies to solve problems, 360.236.0206. We’re here to help!
Warmest Regards,
Dr. Dave Callies
Child & Adolescent Psychologist
Gyro Psychology Services
360.236.0206
Published on: October 5, 2014
Grief: Adjusting to the Loss of a Loved One
Grief is the emotional reaction we have to death or a loss. The experience if grief can affect us in many different ways. We may experience changes in our eating habits and routines, our attitudes to others (they don’t understand), our sleeping habits, our ability to function at work or school, increased feelings of worry, hopelessness and despair, and the questioning of our religious or spiritual beliefs.

Regardless of our personal reaction, grief is a natural response to loss and provides us an opportunity to come to terms with what happened and find healthy ways to remember loved ones who have passed and how to make healthy adjustments in our lives without them present.
Grief, like many emotions, often comes is waves. Some people feel deep sadness and anger right away, while others are in disbelief about what happened, especially if the death was sudden and unexpected.
Facing this realization while surrounded by friends and family can provide support and comfort to those experiencing loss and grief. Memorial services and funerals help people get through the difficult times after a person’s death as they provide an opportunity to talk with others who have shared memories and experiences of the loved one and who share the sense of loss. Being around familiar people, especially right after the loss, can be both comforting and remind us that some things will remain the same.
It’s natural to have questions and feelings long after someone has died. It’s also natural and okay to start feeling better. Feeling better sometimes happens right away and other times it might last for some time. It all depends upon how the loss has affected your life and the lives of those around you.
How people experience grief can depend upon whether the loss was sudden or expected and how emotionally attached you were to the person who died. Feeling better typically happens gradually over time and the feelings of loss and sadness might be more intense at some times (e.g., holidays, birthday) than others.
When feeling sad, it’s best to connect with loved ones, communicate your feelings of loss, sadness, anger or confusion and ask for support. By staying connected with loved ones, talking about your feelings, taking care of yourself, and engaging in activities you enjoy, you CAN help yourself feel better. At some point, perhaps, you’ll find a sense of meaning in the experience.
~~~~~~~~~~
Here are some suggestions on how to express your feelings and find some meaning for yourself in the midst of a loss:
Take some time during your day to write down how you’ve been reacting and feeling. Writing down how you’re feeling and reacting can often times be the first step in expressing your feelings.
Think of someone you can share your feelings with. It’s important that you take time to talk to someone you trust about what you’re going through and how the loss is affecting you. It can sometimes help just to be with others who also loved the person who died, even if you don’t feel like talking.
Think about what you’ve discovered about yourself, about others, or about life as a result of going through this loss.
- What did the person mean to you?
- What did you learn from him or her?
- What good has come from this difficult experience?
- What have you learned about yourself, other people, or life?
- Are there things you appreciate more?
- Who are the people who have been there for you? Were they the people you expected? What have you learned about them?
- In what ways have you grown or matured based on this experience?
~~~~~~~~~~
Be Sure To Take Good Care of Yourself
The loss of someone close to you can be a stressful experience. Be sure to take good care of yourself. Here are a few ways that you can take care of yourself though this difficult time:
Get Enough Sleep. Sleep is healing for both body and mind. Focus on building healthy sleep habits like going to bed at the same time each night or establishing bedtime routines like doing gentle yoga or breathing exercises.
Get Plenty of Exercise. Exercise helps to improve your mood and decrease feelings of anxiety and sadness. It may be hard to get motivated when you’re grieving, so modify your usual routine if you need to. Even a gentle walk outdoors can help to reset your perspective on things.
Eat Healthy Foods. You may feel like skipping meals or you may not feel hungry. Avoid overeating, loading up on junk foods, or drinking alcohol in excess to feel better.
Please realize that grief is a normal emotional reaction to loss and that the intensity and frequency of your emotions will lesson over time. Please feel free to contact us should you or someone you know is having difficulty adjusting to a loss, 360.236.0206. We’re here to help!
With Warm Regards,
Gyro Psychology Services
5191 Corporate Center Court SE
Lacey, Washington 98503
P: 360.236.0206
F: 360.236.9909
T: 866.616.4976 (GYRO)
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Published on: July 24, 2013
Body Image
What is body image?
On the most basic level, body image is how you think and feel about your physical appearance. The opinions you hold about your body influence your self-esteem, your behavior, and even how you feel others perceive you. Body image is not constant. How you feel about yourself will fluctuate between good and bad depending on a variety of things like your mood and environment. You have a healthy body image when the days you feel happy with your body outnumber the days you don’t.

What influences body image?
- Cultural/Societal ideals
- Western society ideals are most often portrayed through the media. Our society’s beauty standards are very focused on extreme thinness for women, a muscular physique for males, and the idea that aging is something we should do our best to hide. It is almost impossible to go a day without seeing an advertisement relaying these types of messages. Research studies have linked exposure to the thin ideal to body dissatisfaction and eating disorders in women. Societal pressure to attain a muscular physique has also appeared to be related to body dissatisfaction among men.
- Parents, Peers, and Friends
- Family has shown to be an important source of messages to adolescents about appearance and eating habits. If you are raised in a household where the adults eat well, exercise, and feel positive about their own bodies you are more likely to have a positive body image yourself. Families that are too critical about looks can be toxic when trying to develop a healthy body image.
- Friends and peers also play an important role in influencing body image. Do they make fun of people for looking a certain way? Do they constantly complain about their looks? Do they obsess over looking a certain way? When everyone else around you is sending the message of what is and is not an accepted way to look it is bound to affect how you view yourself.
Differences between people with positive and negative body image
- People with positive body image:
- Accept and appreciate their body the way it is.
- Feel comfortable in their own skin.
- Don’t spend an excessive amount of time worrying about what they look like or what they eat.
- Carry themselves with confidence.
- Don’t judge others for differences in weights, eating habits, looks, etc.
- Understand that looks don’t determine their or anyone else’s worth as a human being.
- Understand that everyone’s body is different and it’s okay not to look like someone else.
- Appreciate all the amazing things their body does for them on a daily basis.
- People with negative body image:
- Feel like their body isn’t meeting some standard set by their peers, their family, or society.
- Feel dissatisfied with their looks and tend to have a distorted view of their appearance.
- Are anxious and self -conscious about their body.
- Feel awkward in their body.
- Have constant negative thoughts about their appearance.
- Spend way too much time obsessing over weight, calories, exercise, etc.
- Don’t find themselves to be attractive.
- Judge other people for not looking a certain way.
Effects of a negative body image:
- Body dissatisfaction
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Emotional distress
- Unhealthy dieting habits
- Eating disorders
- Avoidance of activities that require showing your body (ex. swimming)
Where to start to improve body image:
- Develop ways to think positively about your body. Stop negative thoughts when they start and replace them with something positive.
- Discuss your negative feelings with someone you trust like a parent, friend, family member, or counselor. Talking about these feelings helps you feel better, and that person might even know some tricks to help you think more positively.
- Make a list of positive qualities that you like about yourself that don’t include things about appearance. Look at this list whenever you feel down to remind yourself that you are more than what you look like.
- Surround yourself with positive and supportive people that make you feel good about yourself.
- Treat your body with respect and kindness. Eat healthy, exercise, and don’t put yourself down!
- Set realistic expectations about what you can and cannot change. Having a goal to live a healthier lifestyle is great but don’t try to force your body to a certain weight or size.
- Value all the amazing things your body does for you every day like breathing and walking.
Please visit the Resources page on our site to learn more about Depression and Anxiety and treatments that work.
Please give us a call if you suspect your child or teen might have a body image problem, are depressed or anxious. Our team of highly skilled Psychologists are here to help!
Warmest Regards,
Gyro Psychology Services
Olympia, Washington
360.236.0206
866.616.GYRO
Health Disclaimer
Published on: July 18, 2013
Improving Your Child’s Self-Esteem
Parents can play a significant role in the development of their children’s self-esteem. Parents’ actions provide a framework for their children to observe and learn from, which guides a child’s development of self-image and self-concept. While parents’ intentions may not be malicious, it is easy to say or do something hurtful when stressed out or distracted, which may be harmful in the long run. Eventually your children and teens will become adults and have to make it on their own, so establishing a healthy level of self-esteem while they are young will help them succeed and live a happier life. Today’s blog is going to talk about the importance of criticism, praise, respecting what they have to say, and more!

Tips to positively influence self-esteem:
- Be careful with criticism. Without criticism we are not able to learn from mistakes and improve, but criticism is only helpful when constructive. Demeaning and hurtful statements like “why can’t you do better?” or comparisons like “your sister never had trouble with math” are destructive to self-esteem. Each child is different and each child will have strengths and weaknesses. Just because you were good at math or a sibling was good at reading right from the start does not mean your child will be. With the proper help, support, and encouragement your child can develop skills in numerous areas of life.
- Acknowledge their achievements. Constructive criticism and discipline help children learn and grow into independent adults, but you must not forget the importance of praise. Sometimes we are too quick to point out flaws while not fully acknowledging their accomplishments and the effort children put into what they do. I am not advocating for insincere compliments or excessive praise, but it is important to notice and congratulate them on their achievements.
- Respect their opinions. As children grow up they begin to develop opinions in a number of areas, and these opinions can be very important to them. If possible, try to ask for their opinions on small things like what color to paint the living room. Asking for their opinion makes them feel included and lets them know you think their opinions are worthwhile. When it comes to bigger issues, you might not always agree, but please respect their opinions regardless.
- Listen to them. As I’m sure you know from your own experiences, being able to talk openly with someone about what is going on in your life helps you reflect. Give them your full attention and listen when they talk to you. Having this time to talk can help them work out their thoughts, solve problems, and keep you informed about what’s going on in their life.
- Support the activities they love. For children, finding something they are passionate about and excel in is great for boosting self-esteem. All activities are bound to make them face challenges as they advance. Overcoming these challenges will help them build confidence in themselves and their abilities.
- Encourage them to solve problems. At all ages children are going to run into problems with family, friends, school, etc. Being able to calmly problem solve and deal with conflict are important life skills to learn. Encouraging them to practice these skills when they are younger will help them approach bigger conflicts later on in life with more confidence. You can start by explicitly modeling how you solve problems and deal with conflict.
- Discuss the media. The media has been found to have an influence on what girls AND boys think about how they should look and act. Make sure to talk to them about what they see in the media so they understand that it does not necessarily represent what they could or should be.
We have put together a comprehensive list of websites, books for parents and kids, as well as downloads, about a variety of topics, that may be helpful in the Resources page of our site.
Give us a call if you think your child or teen might have problems with their self esteem, 360.236.0206 or 866.616.GYRO (4976). We’re partners in your child’s wellness!
Gyro Psychology Services
Olympia, Washington
360.236.0206
866.616.GYRO (4976)
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Health Disclaimer
Published on: July 10, 2013
Building Self-Esteem
Your pre-teen and teenage years can be rough on your self-esteem. Everything from how you look to how you act seems more important than it used to as you start to compare yourselves to others around you. This type of frequent peer comparison is a dangerous habit to slip into because of the toll it can take on your self-esteem.

What are some consequences of low self-esteem?
- Can affect ability to pay attention and learn in school
- Negative influence on body image
- Lead to unsafe habits such as drug use or unsafe sex
- Involvement in unhealthy relationships
- Stress
- Easily peer pressured
Self-esteem starts with you and how you treat yourself. You have the power to boost your confidence. It might not be easy at first but having confidence is important not only for your emotional and mental health but for moving forward in life. Confidence in yourself and the things you do plays a large role in achieving your future goals.
Tips and Tricks: Building Self-Esteem:
- Focus on your positive qualities. Are you a good singer? An athlete? Stylish? Smart? Funny? What sets you apart? Everyone has something that makes them special! Once you figure that out you can rock your best qualities with confidence.
- Not everything in life has to be a competition. While competition can be a great motivator, don’t let it negatively influence how you view yourself. It is important to acknowledge that there are going to be people who are better than you at something or another. Don’t worry so much about what other people are doing! Focus on yourself and what you can do to improve.
- Set goals. Taking on goals, especially challenging ones, can help build your self-esteem. Making progress towards and reaching your goals is a great feeling!
- Stop the negative self-talk! I know that sometimes it’s a lot easier to say “I suck” after something bad happens, but being negative isn’t doing you any favors. Positive thoughts like “I am smart regardless of one bad grade,” can do wonders for building self-confidence. Try to be aware of what you say to yourself and stop the negative self-talk when it starts.
- Surround yourself with positive people. When trying to build and maintain self-esteem it is important to surround yourself with people who will help you achieve that goal. Spend time with people that support you and make you feel good about yourself. Avoid those who put you down or have bad attitudes, they will only hold you back.
- Give back! Volunteering is awesome not only because you get to help out a cause, but it can be a very rewarding experience. You may even discover something you’re passionate about!
- Join an activity. Find a club, a hobby, a sport, or any type other type of activity that you enjoy. Progressing in an activity will require you to rise above challenges which can is great for improving self-confidence. Activities are also a good way to meet friends and have fun.
Hope you are all enjoying these beautiful sunny days of summer. Please feel free to give us a call if you believe your child might have low self-esteem. We’re here to help!
Warmest Regards,
Gyro Psychology Services
Olympia, Washington
360.236.0206
866.616.GYRO (4976)
Health Disclaimer